Narrative (PRE-CANA SEMINAR)

I woke up early on a Saturday again for our pre-cana seminar. It was last March 19, 2011 when I attended the seminar along with my other blockmates in Sto. Nino Church in Tondo, Manila. At exactly 7:00 in the morning, I met my two blockmates in school and we rode the LRT together and met another blockmate somewhere along our route for that day. Although, it was one of my few times to commute and be dropped off in a place where I barely knew the name, I was still excited for all the activities that I'd be having especially because I was with my blockmates. At exactly 8:00 in the morning, we were standing in front of a big church and kept waiting for another blockmate to come. 

We moved to a little building beside the church for the seminar. There were more or less 20 happy couples that were scheduled for that pre-cana seminar. When we first went there, one of the facilitators asked us to move to the front. We insisted that we stay at the back because we would only be observing them. He was surprised that we weren't there to have the seminar. He thought we were also getting married since we could've been exactly three pairs that morning. I guess we weren't that young-looking anymore.

In the morning, we were told that the first session of the seminar will last for 5 hours and will include five different talks and an activity for the couples. The activity was given during the first one and a half hours and was then discussed by Bro. Bryan. The activity that was given was a marriage expectation inventory which included questions and decisions as married couples. Some that were given emphasis in the inventory were their money expectations, religious expectations, expectations related to sex and even that of the in-law expectations.

The first talk was given after the activity which tackled on how to understand the Christian marriage. The speaker explained the five aspects of Christian marriage which are the following: 1. as God's plan 2. as a vocation 3. as a covenant 4. as a sacrament and 5. as a commitment to serve. It lasted for 45 minutes. To summarize the talk, Christian marriage is basically getting the fulfillment in one's life.

The second talk which lasted for another 45 minutes was about the nature of man and woman. The talk was a little longer since it discussed a detailed list of differences between a man and a woman. The differences that were included and were discussed were basic physical and physiological differences, emotional and psychological differences, way of thinking and mode of speaking. At the end of the talk, the objective was clearly to develop awareness between the couple and help them understand each other more.

The break time that was scheduled after the second talk was not accomplished since the speaker for the second talk had a lot to say about the topic. After the second talk, the facilitators agreed upon starting on with the third talk for the first session.

The third talk was about the husband and wife relationship. The talk discussed about the roles of the husband and wife. The husband was seen to be the provider, protector and priest or responsible for having spiritual life for the family, while the wife was seen as a companion, partner and support to her husband and for the whole family.

The talk that followed was about unions in marriage which included spiritual, psychological, physical, social, economic and educational union which were adapted from Fr. Parisi's article, “Psychology of Christian Marriage”.

The last talk was given which lasted for 30 minutes but still finished past our scheduled lunch time. It was about stages of love in marriage. It started with the stage during or after the honeymoon which is the dream world phase followed by period of disillusionment. The next three stages which are period of misery, period of adjustment and the matured realistic stage of love take time to develop or acquire. The speaker also discussed the elements of love which included some virtues and values such as humility, patience, forgiveness and affection.

The first session finished at around 12:30 and we were given a 30-minute lunch break.

The second session in the afternoon started at 1:00. The couples were again given a 30-minute activity to start the session. They were given a copy of the Agree-Disagree Exercise to find out where the couples may have different answers. The answers were then discussed by the speaker.

The first talk discussed on the levels of communication and classified these levels as on the cliché, gossip, idea and judgment, and feeling or gut level. The couples then are expected to share their ideas as well as their feelings for a particular concern. The couples were told to avoid communication gap because it might cause problems in the relationship.

The second talk which lasted for more than an hour was about effective communication in their married lives. The speaker was able to point out some barriers to effective communication. Some of these are the lack in effort and non-stop talking and not listening. The speaker was also able to give tips in achieving effective communication between them or among the family. It is important to note that being calm and appreciative of each other is the key to maintain a good relationship.

The third talk was about the Christian family and presented several concepts. Children were given emphasis as a gift from God. Responsible parenting was also taken into consideration as the issue of contraceptives was also incorporated in the discussion. Natural family planning was also discussed.

The topic on marriage rites was skipped and the speakers proceeded to discussing the next topic which was keys to successful marriage and family life which was shorter. The elements included prayers, Christian formation and pastoral support. The marriage rites was discussed in a span of approximately 30 minutes.

After the talk, the couples were asked to practice and emphasized that they should take it seriously. The seminar finished at 6:00.